Midnight rant!

Sunday, September 06, 2015 0 Comments

Usually all my posts are rant of some kind or the other. Probably that’s the only thing I’m good at. Guess this one is “that” bit special. It’s a midnight rant! I’m angry on myself. Just couldn’t put my finger on the frickin reason. Toccata and Fugue on repeat. Grumpy. Feeling that, in addition to others, I’m continuously deceiving myself. Is there a dangling modifier in the last sentence?

You know the struggle is real when your desire to NOT DESIRE anything, becomes a desire. After all, I’m yet another confused soul trying to find its path. Once you hit a number of cul de sacs, your patience wears down. Unable to hold it together. Is this how a meltdown feels? Anxious, angry, empty, longing. Irritated with this font. Love using nice fonts, one like this. Life is good. Enjoying work. Life is fragmented. Like this post. Completely incoherent thoughts put together as a passage that makes no sense at all. Loving someone other than me is going to be an uphill task. It took prolonged efforts and patience to accept myself. I love myself. Which is a good start. To love someone, they say, charity begins at home, One start’s by loving oneself. Unless one can really love the self, love on others just can’t be true, or so I believe (if you could understand the last six sentences, welcome to the club my friend, the very least, you are half as mad as I am). The travel bug in me is itching to ride. 1910 kms on the odo, and the longest I’ve travelled in a day would be a few kms shy of a hundred. Maybe all I need is a long lonely ride. Maybe I will find lady love at the end of my journey, as if this is a fairy tale. Always been the guy who never worried about the destination, rather prioritized the experience. All these make no sense. None at all. Just like a madman’s words. 

Internet is a vast place. And someone is generous enough to provide me space to pour all my incomprehensible thoughts, and let it stay. A brilliantly meshed web! It's been long since I've felt this way, that "things have gotten way out of hand". Treated myself to a classic Assam tea, in the middle of night! There’s dopey shaggy on the mug. When in doubt go for a hot beverage. 

I’m no SJW to fight for the good of the society. I’m selfish. Selfish enough to take care of personal ambitions, and nothing else. Still not sure if anyone else can look at this and still think I’m alright! Not sure if I’m ready to show this to anybody I know. What’s the purpose of posting this? Seeking approval? To show I’m a rebel?(Who am I kidding?, call this rebel?) Should everything have a purpose? Can’t things stay purposeless, like this one?
 Maybe end of the day all I want is to someone to hug me and say it’s all going to be okay!

Do I really look like a guy with a plan?


If you wish to get a mail everytime i ramble!